Causes of Narcissism

At the core, there are two basic psychological patterns at play underlying all the symptoms. As we’ll see, they mutually reinforce each other and the symptoms of these feedback into themselves to enhance the fundamental causes. It cannot be understated that secondary narcissism is a vicious circle, and extraordinarily difficult to overcome. The first cause is a fundamental lack of identity and sense of self, resulting in a profound emptiness. The second is a fundamental inability to be intimate with another person due to repressed rage, self-loathing and anxiety. When combined, these create a confusing jumbled mess of half-thought motives, tendencies and personality traits which continually undermine the identity, or the ability to be intimate, which itself might stabilize a borderline condition.

Narcissism is the hardest pathology to cure, and it must be cured by choice alone. Because narcissism takes extraordinary mental gymnastics, they are developed enough to resist any invasion. They are strong individuals, definitely possessing free-will, but they’ve come to use it for dysfunctional ends. One can only encourage and instruct; but therapy tends to reinforce the trend without actually instructing and so should be avoided.

In general, the cure is a strong and reality-based identity. To create a self-sufficient identity is thus the only task needed to overcome narcissism. Once it, and its boundaries are created, the impulsive and self-destructive tendencies will soon diminish. Such a process will happen organically once the root cause is identified and fixed. This is because the identity will care for itself, and begin to realize that itself is the cause of its own pain. And when it comes to recognize this, it makes changes to avoid the error – as one who burns accidentally will be more careful with fire in the future.

In a generic sense, the identity must be developed, and so might merely fail to develop from youth. In modernity there are a lot of ways in which a person fails to possess (or develop) an identity. As the identity is the legitimate self-purpose that is felt by an individual as a result of their subjective well-being; anything which threatens or erodes well-being, subjectivity or self-purpose can lead to its loss. For instance, a dehumanizing tendency in society at large, perhaps an anomie, boredom or sense of insignificance might trigger a narcissistic cycle. Similarly, a lack of purpose in youth might merely be carried upwards from adolescence, as pleasure and novelty become the basis or purpose in life, but since such are hollow, the identity becomes a facade. As the identity is a persistent organization of unconscious impulses and needs to be mixed with our conscious reactions and beliefs, it must be maintained daily. If that maintenance ever falters, a once-strong identity can become eroded, similarly triggering a narcissistic cycle.

This cycle is probably the most visible aspect of narcissism. Since the condition is characterized by a ‘hand-to-mouth’ identity, there is a focus only on the short-term aspects of intimacy. This leads to a contradictory cycle that’s only vaguely perceptible, and is recognizable as the invitation to intimacy but no follow-up.

At the core of this condition is the contradictory relationship between identity and intimacy. All human nature is expressed in the dance between the intimacy we share with others, and the identities that we perceive in it. Narcissists however can’t participate in this basic dynamic, and are left to simulate it and make-do with whatever they can imagine. Unlike non-narcissists, who recognize the difference between acting their identity, and living it; narcissists aren’t familiar with a stable identity. Instead all they know is a living spectacle. And the strength of this spectacle is the barrier that protects their vulnerability. To find true satisfaction in an identity however, the barrier must fall, and the identity must be strong enough to sustain reality.

Once this barrier is weakened, the natural cycle of intimacy and identity can begin again. But first, we should explain what the identity is in the existential sense. The identity is the sense of ‘home’ that you carry with you. It is the range of objects, ideas, persons and habits that give us a sense of well-being or happiness. Often, we think of our identity as being that which makes us unique from other people. This is a misunderstanding. The problem is that well-being is rooted in objective human needs, needs that we all have. Thus it is precisely what makes us the same. And this is where we should root our identity. We should not focus on ourselves as a ‘special snowflake’, for that will merely enhance narcissism. Instead, we must find what makes us the best version of ourselves – as persons. And so should be that which offers a universal fulfillment. And that’s not to be found in the difference of self – that’s merely to reify narcissistic megalomania.

To find this ‘home’, one must find a sense of security and perpetuity. This refers back to the concept of rootlessness and immediacy, but home should be thought of as the thing that can endure thru the ages – eternal. One of the difficulties of modernity, and narcissism in general, is that we lose our idea of history, and thereby our sense of the future and the eternal. Thus we don’t plan for it or appreciate its inevitability. Older generations had a sense of community, and perpetuity, whether it be the small-town, the community, or the family-land. There is a sense of an endless-tomorrow, found within those who have children and want to ‘pass things on’. But because of the stressful and chaotic relationships with parents, the prospect of children is daunting, and so we become disconnected from the river of posterity. But while children are not necessary for this sense of continuity, a person does need something legitimate and real. There must be a sense of future and eternal continuance.

Thus the identity is the internalized feeling and understanding of this ‘eternality’ that we participate in on a daily basis. But if we don’t actually participate in an authentic continuity, then what is our identity? There isn’t one. Thus one must discover and dedicate themselves to an authenticity of this sort. And when discovered, it should be shared and grow itself into a community. Without it, narcissism is the outcome because one is a homeless pariah.

Now, while this is a psychological and philosophical explanation, this is not how we’ll understand it as a person with an identity. Internally, an identity looks like a sense of purpose and fulfillment – it’s the sense of ‘destiny’ or ‘role’ that a person has. It’s the thing that they contribute to the world, and that others depend on them for. But here again we should notice that if there is no dependency, then the feelings of insignificance are actually accurate. And if accurate, should not be simulated – as that is narcissistic. Instead, the goal must be to seek the legitimate authenticity, to seek the dependency and the purpose offered therein. This is why pets are so appealing to many people. They love us because they legitimately need us, and so give us a grounding in a world that actually matters.

Now, where should one go about constructing a homestead of this sort? In the mind of course! And what are the building materials? Memories of well-being, achievement, happiness, and purpose, ideally in social relationships. In short, one must ruminate on the positive aspects of themselves. Everyone has accomplished things, we merely must reflect on their legitimate aspects. One of the problems with narcissists is that they focus on their own delusions, and thus create fictions of their own histories and competency, like a spider making a web. Instead, one needs to identify the legitimate memories and emphasize those. And if they don’t have any, then it’s time to start making them! One might even need to humble themselves to their own faults and flaws and begin to work thru them.

In the process of ruminating on one’s history and successes, the understanding will gradually process the information and come to a satisfactory answer. The central problem of narcissism, as with most failures of the understanding, is that it’s merely not given a chance to do its work. The job of the understanding is to process personal and social history. It wants to digest the past and present, as the stomach ‘wants’ to digest food. However it must be given the chance with healthy rumination. One of the interesting things about narcissists is that they often try to become creative individuals. This is particularly true of male narcissists, who try to live in their achievements and creations. The purpose of such then is therapeutic. Unfortunately, it is often self-indulgent, and so fails on technical grounds. This has even been happening in major motion pictures and music, where celebrities imbue themselves into the work. Rather than respect the needs of the creation or the audience, it becomes about the creator, and so ends up as a self-fulfilling prophecy: where the insignificance of the creator is made manifest by failing to make an impactful work.