Narcissism is the psychological condition of needing to simulate love of the self due to an deficiency in ones core identity. This condition has become nearly universal in modern society due to widespread dehumanization in society and community and a breakdown of social values. As a result, it has led to an increasing need to simulate love, importance and entitlement. The primary symptoms and origins of narcissism are examined.
Narcissists are unique in that they are allergic to themselves. This is a curious phenomenon, because how is one allergic so? While many have allergies to pets, plants or even politics; narcissists are allergic to the truth and reality that is their own identity. Like many ideas these days, it is misunderstood in the popular imagination. Most erroneously assume it to be a type of extreme self-love or selfishness. At its core, it is not these things. As understood classically by the Greeks, and even psychologists like Freud a century ago, narcissism was a sophisticated character flaw, one where self-love is merely a symptom. In reality, it’s essence is the exact opposite – a profound inability to love the self, or to be satisfied with it.
This concept is easily misunderstood, particularly when we hear the myth of Narcissus as children. Commonly, it’s portrayed as if a narcissist has too much love for themselves, and thus not enough for others (i.e. selfishness). As Narcissus becomes enamored with himself in the water, we easily read the wrong message into the myth. Instead, we ought to see it for what it is – the inability to love oneself in a healthy way. When vulnerable to this condition such a person tries to simulate love, either by manipulation or delusion. This creates a range of dysfunctional behaviors that are easily misunderstood.
Freud distinguished between two basic forms of narcissism, a primary form, whereby the infant mistakes mother’s love for his own importance and omnipotence; and a secondary form, where a failure to respond to the infant’s needs generates a rage which subsequently becomes anxiety, guilt and issues of abandonment. The infant, here the narcissist, exhibits primary narcissism in the first months of life, gradually overcoming it, and becoming a secondary narcissist. If the child develops healthily, the secondary narcissism (also known as pathological narcissism) is gradually overcome as well, as it becomes self-aware and finds an identity. This secondary form is a narcissism of denied fulfillment and separation anxiety. But as it establishes it’s own identity, it no longer needs the pathological closeness typical of infants.
While the development of narcissism as an innate human process is important, it must be understood in the unique context of modernity. Because of the existentially empty nature of modern society, there is a persistent need to have the self echoed back into ourselves. Readers of the myth will recall Echo’s interaction with Narcissus. Typically, one’s identity (and existence) is validated in the everyday experience, but such is no longer the case. This leads therefore to a number of psychological adaptations designed to salvage what’s left of the identity.
The origins of this process is understood in the psychology. The difficulty is that the identity of an individual can be weaker than the situation in which it exists. In some versions of the Narcissus myth for instance, he is longing for his lost sister who looks like him. In the case of a child, this is that the world is overwhelming, and one needs to shield themselves from it. In essence this is a retreat from reality, due to personal immaturity. This overall leads to the creation of echo-chambers whereby the self be reflected back, like a mirror. Echo’s role in the myth is naturally notable, as she was cursed to repeat everything back to the speaker. In modernity, we can read these as the infamous ‘safe spaces’ in the world.
Christopher Lasch, in his now famous book, The Culture of Narcissism argues that ever since the mid 20th century, the prevailing psychological defect of our age is narcissism, particularly secondary narcissism.1 If Lasch is correct, then the contorted definition of narcissism (as mere ‘selfishness’) is merely a symptom of a far larger array of behaviors designed to insulate us from ourselves and reality.
Narcissism is, at its essence, the inability to love oneself because of an unclear boundary between the self and the world. It must simulate love for itself because it cannot find it elsewhere. This ‘love’ is also not the simple form that is used commonly. Instead, it is a profound existential type of acceptance, meaningfulness, and satisfaction in the world. It would be the type of meaningfulness that would reject any ‘selfishness’, because it is sated already.
As mentioned, there are two basic forms of narcissism, of which we tend to only recognize the first. Freud’s conception was rooted in that of the child’s developmental period, with emphasis on unsatisfied needs due to immaturity. Children don’t have an identity that contains ‘meaningfulness’ for the mere fact that they don’t have an identity yet. Their rationality isn’t developed, and so have no concept of the world as it is, and no idea of their place in it.
This first form, primary narcissism, is the simulation of self-love we most commonly recognize. It originates from the inability of a new-born to distinguish itself as the object of someone’s love, and instead misunderstands itself as the totality of the world. Thus it mistakes the boundaries of its own existence, with that of the mother. It is shocked to learn to that it is not totality, and instead is relegated to a particular existence. Moreover, this existence is not based on its own whims, but those of others as well. Needless to say, this form of narcissism is solipsistic, where only the self matters. It is the more immature variety of narcissism. The most common examples are those driven by resentment and childlike entitlement.
The second form is known as secondary narcissism. This is the form that follows primary narcissism. Once the first form is overcome, the then infant gradually realizes its secondary importance in the world. Namely that all of its needs might not be met. Moreover, it has little say over this process. This leads to a type of existential anxiety and ambivalence. For on one hand, it is dependent on mother (or the world) for its fulfillment, but at the same time resentful that mother doesn’t exist solely for it – or that she has a separate existence as well.
In defense against this anxiety, a type of narcissistic shell or barrier is constructed to avoid deeply intimate interactions. The reasons for this are numerous, but can be reduced to guilt and anxiety. Anxiety in the sense that things that offer fulfillment tend to provoke the realization that they cannot be fulfilled, despite being so near to it. Guilt in the sense that their own rage and resentment (which becomes concentrated and enhanced) leads to a self-loathing, since all objects of love are also objects of hate – leading to a confusing contradiction. Children of this age are paragons of this ambivalence.
At the theoretical level, secondary narcissism is a vicious circle, since it continually reinforces itself from an early age. If allowed to fester, it will probably never be cured since therapy is ineffective and the individual won’t be able to stabilize their identity. Why isn’t therapy effective? As we’ll see in our section on symptoms, the shell constructed by narcissists tends to neuter all incoming insights and is instead rationalized superficially, but never internalized. This is because the shell doesn’t allow a narcissist to open themselves to true intimacy, and internalizing a true insight would be to drop the shell – which they find unbearable. This basic tendency is reinforced in therapy because it provides a great opportunity to superficially simulate that which they lack the most – identity. Thus the delusions that compose their identity become reified and actualized in therapy. This situation is exactly mirrored in the Greek myth, where the therapist becomes a type of reflection, thus providing a legitimating echo for the patient.
As mentioned, narcissism is a type of [separation] anxiety. The basic dynamic begins with a perceived lack of fulfillment, and a subsequent rejection of intimacy to avoid potentially disastrous anger towards the person (or object) that should have been fulfilling. As a result, a contradictory relationship with other people begins, since unfulfilled anger stifles the intimacy of healthy relationships. On the one hand, they seek the attention of others for their own benefit and need, but subsequently hate the intimacy because it leads to a dependence that arises from fear and rejection. Over time, these contradictory feelings lead to a lack of a stable identity (or perhaps are themselves the cause of it) and thus an insufficient identity and rootlessness.
In general, there are many symptoms of narcissism, all of which lead to neurotic and pathological behaviors. To see this, I’ll introduce a hypothetical example of a woman suffering from this condition, and how a person might be able to identify the condition as it results from external behavior. My point here, aside from the fact that almost everyone suffers from this to a degree, is to outline the details of how a rational process like this works, as this condition is incredibly subtle and devious.
1 If Nietzsche’s insight about cultural atavism is true, namely that it increases as nihilism becomes more pervasive, then we should expect the primary form of narcissism to replace the secondary form.
